Just What DO You Want For Me?

"When he saw Jesus, he fell on his face and begged, 'Lord, if you want, you can make me clean.' "  Luke 5:12b (CEB)

What dangerous faith!  The kind of faith that, I believe, God desires for each of us.   I try to imagine myself in my brother's position ... small town life absolutely disrupted for this fellow of faith.  Disrupted by disease that defined him as unclean.  Once defined as unclean, he was isolated from most life-giving parts of his life (family, friends, work, faith family, ...) for fear that he would contaminate, corrupt, or endanger life for others through those circles.

So, it's not a stretch for any of us to imagine hitting our face and begging.  Restore me!! Restore my life!!  But, our brother went even farther in stating his belief about Jesus.  That's why I describe his faith as dangerous.  He didn't hedge his bets at all.  Instead, he put himself in Jesus' face even as his was on the ground.  Capability is not the Divine issue.  Willingness, desire, availability ... those are the issues.

IF YOU WANT, Lord ... well, what if he doesn't want?!  What does that brother do with that reality, that Jesus didn't want to make him clean.  For that matter, isn't that the reason why you and I are willing to hedge our bets with Jesus, if we even come limping before him at all?  I'll own it.  It would be crushing to recognize that with God nothing is impossible, but God just chooses to withold that blessing from me.  (There's another side to the risk, too:  what if Jesus chooses to fix what's wrong with me, what's wrong in me, but it costs me something?  Maybe even alot!)

Yep.  This brother lived from a place of courage that I would dare say most of us only get to because of desperation. Joyce Rupp deals with the reality of courage in her book, Fresh Bread, in the February chapter and I highly recommend the comforting challenge she offers.  She reminds us that courage doesn't come from knuckling down, holding our breath, or just getting through the difficulty, the challenge, the affront.  No, courage comes in leaving space for God to be, move, speak, work in ways that only God can - and will - work.  The danger is in trusting that God will work to our benefit.  And, that's faith.

Lord Jesus, indeed, with you nothing is impossible.  That's what I count on when I'm staring "impossibility" in the face.  But, I confess that complete dependence on you is frightening.  I hear myself wondering ... what if Jesus doesn't notice or care enough to work in me, for me, on me, through me?  What if He's willing to help, but the change and healing I'm desperate for are gonna cost me more than I'm willing to pay?  I've got nothing else but my own power.  Maybe that's the enemy wanting me to doubt your love for me, your promises to me.  At any rate, I'm asking for courageous, dangerous faith like this brother.  The kind of faith that will drive me to my face in your presence, confident of your ability and willingness to love me well.  Make me faithful to know your promises, your nature, your character, and your presence.  Let it be, Lord; let it be.